Doing the Hard Work

“I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time. Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage. A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They just hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance. The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect. But when we’re defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” ~ Brené Brown

I'm a kind person but my tolerance in many areas is fading fast. I've found I can't be around people that aren't doing the hard work. They have little introspection and float around through life aimlessly. They make terrible choices repeatedly without looking at their reasons for making them or how they could choose differently. They blame, whine and point fingers without ever having any accountability. They're cowards.

Now I do get it, as I feel I've spent most of my life reading the latest self help book, going to therapy yet barely inching along in whatever healing or recovery looks like. One step forward then a huge fall down the mountain screaming "Why me?! Again!" as you tumble back to what feels like where you started. But you're not where you started as all those painful blows during your fall gave you information. Now what are you going to do with that information? You have to do the hard work.

I was reading some journal entries from the past year and saw at one point my work came to a screeching halt. Still seeing a therapist. Still trying. But the painful digging deep, making excruciating choices that would have better served me, the looking inward stopped. I floated along as most do. There was immobility, fear and avoidance. I tried to bargain for what I wanted while truly knowing it wouldn't work in the end. This never works...you have to do the hard work.

So I'm back in the saddle and putting more effort into inner self change than I ever have. Through this endeavor my patience for anyone not trying is next to none. I can empathize as I've been there but it's not a space I can stick around for long. I find these people shallow and boring and completely uninteresting.  I'll wish you well and be on my way.

You have to do the hard work.