A blog post a day for 30 days - Day 27 - This is how it is now

I'm exhausted beyond words right now. Sleep is bad. I've been in a watchful and hyper state for some time now and my body is giving out. Not helping the pain levels either. The things I would typically do to help are no longer helping. 

This is how it is now.

"This is how it is now." is my personal favorite mantra. It's all about being in the present moment. It's not crying about the past and it doesn't say the future can't be wonderful. But right now, whatever it is, this is how it is now. I'm not happy with this current stage though I know it's a painful moment I need to go through. I force deep breaths but it's an effort. Reading a book, watching a movie, or even taking my daily yoga sucks my energy out, and I many times lose all focus.

This is how it is now.

Life is full of shitty times. No one is exempt from it. I'm working hard to own my side of the street and the choices I made to get me to this moment. I'm also struggling hard to give myself the grace not to own what isn't mine. This will end and one day be a distant memory. But still....today is hard.

This is how it is now.

It's raining right now. Typically rain depresses me but this is a soft even rain that feels soothing. It reminds me of starting again, cleansed, refreshed and calm. I may take my cat out on my balcony, drink some wine and allow myself to drift away...

This is how it is now.