Messy

So I decided I'm a painter. And by painter I mean I swirl colors I like on a canvas in odd ways until I feel  happy. If you're a fan of Julia Cameron (and I feel everyone should read and go through the lessons in her book "The Artist's Way") she says we're all artists and we all should tap into that creativity without the need to do anything more than give us back the delight that life told us we needed to stuff down. Though I know my "art" is a hot mess I do still enjoy it because it expresses my feelings of the moment in a way that my words sometimes can't. 

I'm a person that visualizes best in color. My Outlook calendar looks like Rainbow Bright threw up but the differentiating colors helps me organize, focus and know exactly what is going on. My entire home is loud and colorful as I have finally leaned into what makes me happy and not bowing to how others view the world. My personality is vibrant and animated. I feel suppressed in situations where I'm supposed to "behave". 

But it's messy...

The art, my kitchen counter, my sock drawer, my mind, my life, my fears, my dreams...so messy.

So when things feel too messy I make lists. I love lists! I like writing them out in different colors, highlighting certain items, crossing things off and then re-writing a fresh new list (the best!). The act of writing organizes my mind. I can write out a grocery list, forget the list at home, and still come back with every item as I can see the list in my mind. I frequently have multiple lists going at once: work, errands, calls to make, goals, ideas...pretty sure I've made lists about the lists I should write.

With all the list writing, color organization and such, then why is everything such a mess? Because humans are messy. 

We're complicated. 

We're stupidly impulsive. 

We make mistakes. 

We are perfectly imperfect.

So for today I swirl my paint in zig zags and dots and make a beautiful mess. And for this moment on my deck, sun shining, a light breeze, my kitty beside me...it's OK to be messy.