My first thoughts about story is the chronological events that happened from my birth until today. In the telling of this story is where things go a little off, as there are other characters in our story, and their perception of what happened is often far different than our own. Our stories are then intermingled and you could even say a new story forms with each person that comes into the picture as the narrative progresses.
We are all the creators of our stories yet so often we get stuck on a certain aspect, usually something perceived as negative, that we believe becomes our entire story and furthermore can't be changed. I've heard after a painful divorce "No one will ever love me", after being cheated on "I'll never be able to trust again.", after a failure "I'll never succeed.". Sometimes even if the words aren't said out loud, it's playing in the background in our heads, and informs our choices. Our minds will work then to play out what we believe is our doomed story and it then begins a self fulfilling prophecy. I find those most caught up in their stories are also the ones who deny they have a destructive narrative happening. Myself included.
So how do we release our story and write a new one? Work, honesty and a belief life can be different. I hate hearing there is only one way also. For the alcoholic that finds AA, works the steps, and lives in freedom, there is another that drowns in that program. What speaks to one person can be annoying, even damaging, to another. For the lucky few they find it early in life and can do a rewrite many times. Then there's the rest of us...
For myself I like a tangible act; writing, ripping up and burning. It's funny that though I'm scared of fire that burning something is the most cathartic to me. And though I hate religion I do love the ceremony of it all. I do love a ritual and I'm allowing myself to make my own, as someone made all the others up anyway!
Perhaps the most difficult part of starting a new story, or getting out of the one you keep telling, is forgiveness. May I say how much I hate forgiveness! I understand the need for it, for the situation, for myself...but I fight it hard. Admittedly that most difficult part of forgiving is to forgive myself. Mistakes upset me. Having others see me falter is embarrassing and shameful. I suppose there is even a part of me that feels I need to beat myself up about it in order to not do it again....unfortunately that's probably the worst decision and most likely to result in it happening again.
On a good day I know these things (prepare for a lot of paraphrased Maya Angelou quotes): I did the best I could with what I had, and when I knew better I did better, I have nothing to prove to anyone, and why I write..."there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you".
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