Violated

My friend's ex-husband during their divorce spied on her with a private detective, was able to log into her Facebook and view everything, and violated her privacy in any way he could. Her and I are in a private group on Facebook where there are only 4 of us. We started this group many years ago to converse as talking via Messenger was too cumbersome. We've all shared some of the most private aspects of our lives. It was a safe place to be fully open and free.

So this ex-husband was not only spying on her but the rest of us as well. And this asshole had the audacity to ask about me, by name, and ask specifically about the most private thing I had shared. She told me and I lost my mind. I began screaming that I would kill him. Totally violated and nothing I can do about it. It's not her fault, not my fault, it's this dick's fault and I have no recourse to do anything. She was stunned and did say, "That's very personal to her.". Well he fucking knows that and he doesn't care! I told her this was a "virtual rape".

The thing I didn't want anyone to know, much less a stranger, is known. I'm incensed. Though interestingly enough, ultimately sharing this has been the goal of my blog, head held high and speaking for those who can't say it. It's something rarely spoken of that brings me so much shame and humiliation. I did nothing wrong yet I know most people wouldn't understand. They'd gasp in horror or be confused and not fully grasp what happened. I've feared that the ones I did tell would use it as gossip, something to laugh about and mock, or something to later hold over me to hurt me. 

I suppose that's most of what's bothering me here is that I wasn't in control and he violated my privacy. But you can't control all of life no matter how hard you try. And I've sure tried! I want to control this aspect of my life though. It's my story to tell and not another's to scrutinize or judge. Only mine.

I won't be talking about this today as I fully own that I'm not in a good head space to handle stupid comments and reactions. But the day is coming where I will boldly face even the worst parts of my journey and stand in my own power.