When I got divorced I decided I wanted a big life. I wanted my own choices. I wanted to see the world and try anything that appealed to me before I die. I set myself up financially so I could live comfortably but on the lower end of what I could afford so I'd be able to do all the experiences I wanted. It's coming up on 4 years since I made that decision and I see how I allowed the lives of others around me to influence my choices. It's back to being all about me. A selfishness I've never allowed myself.
One of my better qualities is that I'm fairly fearless about trying new things. My desire to say I did it overrides any trepidation. After a year of working from home in a pandemic I have been antsy to get out. On an impulse I joined an "activities group" (I'm avoiding naming them as I own that my experience may be quite different than others). I saw there was an event coming up called "Love is Blind" based off the reality TV show where couples speed date but can't see each other. The premise being that you take away the external of how someone looks and connect with them before seeing them. Why not? So I joined the 40's - 50's group with curiosity but not really big expectations.
The participants were from all over the country so the timing of it made it a bit late for me...starting at 8:30pm. Yes, there was a time I wasn't even going out until then but I do like earlier in my old age. They said to make sure you look good for the big reveal. I'd gone out to dinner with a friend before it started and by the time I got home, a few wines in, I no longer cared. I slapped on a fresh coat of lipstick and called it good. As we all got on a Zoom call people had cameras on (they should be off) and were asking what I felt were ridiculous questions because hasn't everyone been using nothing but Zoom for a year? Apparently not, so I let the host answer them while I tried to calm my breathing. She would group you with one person for 25 minutes, then another for 25, and on the 3rd round you could request to get back with one of the first two or get a new person. A few people didn't show up so this meant there were going to be some groupings of 3. I was listening to voices and what was being said and made notes of men I could tell immediately would be wrong for me. As I waited my list grew.
So I get put in my first breakout room with match number 1. He was on my list of "hell no" but I played along. He starts speaking in the most monotone boring voice and shares that he's 68 and a Mormon. I'm not sure if it would have been possible to place me with anyone farther from what I want. I let him speak as I really didn't care to share anything about myself. He says he lives near Chicago but doesn't like to go into the city. I love downtown Chicago. He expands on this saying he's old fashioned but divorced his wife years ago because she was bipolar and spent $500,000. He then goes on to say that he'd never live with someone because his church would excommunicate him. At this point I'm on well on the way to drunk and couldn't hold back anymore. I said, "So how does your church condone your divorce, which wasn't biblical since there wasn't adultery yet would excommunicate you for living with someone?". He mumbled about having to do what leadership says and I asked him if this allowed for individual thought. He was becoming uncomfortable and talked about how his church has a prophet that interprets scripture for them. I asked, "And why do you believe her interpretation is correct?". He's hating me at this point and says we should talk about something else. I was looking at the clock waiting for this one to end.
Back in the main group and as the host is rematching us the conversation is irritating. One person says that we shouldn't talk about politics, religion or sex. I spoke up and said, "That's ridiculous and exactly what I'm going to talk about to find out who you are.". Another says we should ask if anyone in our family has mental illness and then she starts cackling about it. I went to get a refill as I couldn't take much more. I come back to her saying it again as she feels this is pretty funny. "Ask about mental illness...ha ha ha....ask if they have it." I replied, "You will after this event.". We get put in our 2nd match breakout and the guy says, "Habla español?”. I say no. He says it again. I say no once more. Then he laughs and says he's kidding. I'm about to bash my face into my monitor at this point. I ask how old he is and he feels I shouldn't have asked that. I don't care and ask again. He reveals he's 33. I ask why he's in this group and he doesn't have an explanation. I then ask, "Who did you vote for?". He says I'm very forward and I agree and tell him to answer the question. Well he's Russian and not a citizen but doesn't think Trump was so bad. I go into a mini tirade on my feelings and he says, "You don't love America.". I'm looking all over the screen for how to leave this grouping entirely when another guy pops in. He's 40, friendly and we have a nice discussion about racial injustice while Russian guy sits there.
So we're now at the point where you can request to again be placed with who you were matched with prior, no thanks, or get someone new. As the matching takes place the commentary in the group takes another turn into pure idiocy. I'm wondering if maybe you are purposefully placed with awful people so the third one ends up looking great by comparison. I get placed in a breakout room with a guy and another woman. The woman monopolized the conversation talking about hiking with her group and how she hasn't done much with the pandemic happening. She bored me to tears so I switched the topic to vaccines and spouted off on my soapbox until the time was almost up.
So now it's the reveal time. Without question there is no one for me but I'm now curious as to what people look like. Each and every one looked pretty much exactly as I thought they would. I stayed silent as I looked at each one and waited for my moment to leave. The host says that if you want to connect with someone you can private message your contact information in the chat. The 33 year old messages me his number and says to text him. That's a hard no.
Did I lose 2 1/2 hours of my life with that? Maybe not as I'm sitting here in the sun, a light breeze blowing in, some birds chirping, with my cat by my side and I'm oh so content being completely alone right now.
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