A blog post a day for 30 days - Day 24 - My Character

I read a quote this morning that got me thinking; "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." ~ John Wooden. 

I thought about many times where people tried to slander my name and how important I felt it was for me to defend myself. I'm a first born so I'm terribly concerned with fairness, justice and truth. The thought that someone could flat out lie about me, or even speak about who I am from their made up story of who they think I am, enraged me to no end. People seem to take great joy in cutting others down or watching someone crumble. It's why The National Enquirer sold so much (do they still exist?), it's why people love reality shows, gossip shows and reading about a celebrity falling apart. Does this make us feel better about ourselves for a moment? Superior? Of course it does.

So I have to first examine and question if I've talked shit about people when it wasn't actually the truth. Sure I have. Now I would never boldly lie (I believe too much in karma that this frightens me) but I've definitely taken a small amount of information and put my own ideas and perceptions to fill in the story gaps. Did I feel better than that person? Yeah, for a hot second. Have I regretted it? Absolutely. 

I first had to make a hard effort in letting go of other's perception of me when I got divorced. Assumptions were made, lies were told and I know many have an incorrect story about who I am and what I did. That's OK. I had to let go of the life I had in order to walk towards the life I wanted, and I didn't ask for a single opinion or thought on my decision. I did it alone and let people have any perception they wanted.

So where is the line between having a good reputation, as this does matter in life, and letting people have any perception they want without having to defend or explain yourself? If this person holds a valuable place in my life they would desire to know the truth of me. But do we ever fully know the truth of anyone? We hide things, they don't reveal everything, and we both cloud it all with our own perceptions which may be false or dead on. There is a balance here as if there are wrong assumptions hanging over you at your job then it may be worth setting the record straight. Yet if some fool chooses to believe an inane lie made up about you is this even worth the energy?

In the end the only person I actually have to answer to is myself. I know the core of my character is honest, loyal, caring and beautiful. I know exactly who I am and have nothing to prove. If you speak poorly of me then it actually says much more about your character. Enjoy your karma as I shall enjoy mine.