A friend asked me a rather innocuous question recently and my answer was punchy, with much more emotion than was called for with this question, and I said, "well nothing works out for me". She kindly pointed out a lot that had not only worked out for me but went above my expectations. This was an old story. It got me thinking as to what other stories I tell myself that really aren't true.
"Nothing works out for me"
"No one could love me unconditionally"
"I'll always struggle"
"Something bad always happens"
"You don't get that"
"I'm not ____ enough" ___pretty, skinny, talented, funny, smart...{Side note: I find the order of these very telling as well.}
Many of these stories though true for a moment did not continue in my life yet live large in my head. Stories that I use to brace myself from possible pain of abandonment, rejection or fear. They were part of my survival and helped me for a time but now keep me locked in the past.
To get out of a story you need a rewrite. You need a brand new story you can say and believe. Yet a brand new story feels like it involves hope and I hate to hope. A balance, or way I could wrap my head around this, seems to be not hoping or wishing, but laying out what is true for me.
"I have astounding resilience and trust that I can suck up most anything to survive."
"I'm a deeply caring person and slowly learning not everyone deserves it."
"I have a strong opinionated voice and can be fearless in speaking out when others shy away."
"I'm strong as fuck."
Possibly the hardest one I learned this year...
"I can be alone and be OK."
Telling this new story requires full ownership. I held hard to the old stories and it would take a lot of debate to challenge me to believe otherwise. That is the level of confidence I need to have in the things that I know that are true about me.
I'm creating a new story, a new way to walk in this world, a new life
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