Author's note: I am documenting my ketamine experiences from my point of view. This is to share for anyone considering it, doing it, or supporting someone through this. I also believe, as with everything in life, our experiences are unique, so please take it from that view.
Two more ketamine sessions in and each one has had its own nuances. The day prior to my third session I had a brutal, but good, EMDR session with my therapist and was emotionally raw. I've also been told the third session can be rough as the novelty has worn off a bit, you know what you are in for, and likely wanting results. My mind raced during the third session, and I couldn't shut it off. Even after I got home, I was agitated though exhausted. Yet my fourth session was amazing! Back to being trippy (which I enjoy) and I was able to tell my mind when troubling images appeared "I'm thinking". No forced changed, no getting upset, just a reminder that my mind was thinking and didn't need my effort. On this session I also used a weighted blanket which gave me the containment and security, I think, to ease and calm into it.
Next week I am being moved to the higher dose (if it gets approved in time) and doing sessions 2 days in a row. I'm assuming I will be completely out of it for 2 whole days, and am making preparations to where I have food, house is clean, all boxes checked and nothing to worry about.
How ketamine works in plain terms (And maybe it's just because I feel my brain changing or that I've struggled my whole life, that this fascinates me to no end. I underlined parts that really stuck out to me, adding some commentary in parenthesis that hit me.):
How ketamine works chemically in the brain
Ketamine works primarily by affecting the brain’s glutamate system, which is the main system responsible for learning, adaptation, and neural communication.
Most traditional antidepressants work on serotonin or dopamine and take weeks to gradually adjust levels. Ketamine works differently. It acts upstream, at the level of neural connectivity itself.
1. Ketamine temporarily blocks NMDA receptors
NMDA receptors normally regulate glutamate activity. Ketamine blocks these receptors briefly, which creates a controlled disruption in the brain’s usual signaling patterns.
This interruption prevents the brain from running its habitual loops in the same rigid way. (I'm a hard ruminator. Even when having a good time, in conversation, doing anything, the thoughts are incessant.)
2. This causes a surge of glutamate release
Because NMDA receptors are blocked, the brain releases more glutamate through other pathways, particularly AMPA receptors.
Glutamate is not a “mood chemical.” It’s a plasticity chemical.
It tells the brain:
“Pay attention. Something new is happening. Adapt.”
3. This activates repair and growth mechanisms
The glutamate surge triggers downstream processes, including the release of a protein called BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor).
BDNF supports:
-
growth of new synaptic connections
-
strengthening of healthy neural pathways
-
repair of stress-damaged circuits
Chronic depression and trauma tend to weaken and prune neural connections. Ketamine temporarily reverses that pattern. (Temporarily. I just had my gut clench in fear of what happens when this ends. I wonder if you do enough of these sessions that it actually allows for repair.)
4. The brain becomes more flexible
For a period of hours to days after treatment, the brain enters a state of increased neuroplasticity.
This means neural pathways are less rigid and more capable of reorganizing.
Thought patterns that previously felt automatic and inescapable may loosen. Emotional responses may no longer trigger the same intensity of physiological alarm.
This flexibility allows the brain to update itself.
Why effort is not required
This process is chemical and cellular. It does not depend on conscious effort. (This is a hard one for me. I've been told for so long that my mental state is from my lack of effort while I'm always trying.)
You cannot “force” neuroplasticity through concentration or willpower during a session.
The beneficial effects come from the biological cascade:
-
NMDA receptor blockade
-
glutamate release
-
BDNF activation
-
synaptic remodeling
These processes occur regardless of whether your mind is quiet, busy, creative, or distracted.
Trying to control your thoughts does not enhance the effect. In fact, excessive effort activates control networks that can interfere with the nervous system’s ability to settle.
The brain repairs itself best when it is not being micromanaged. (I straight up laughed out loud on this one! I absolutely micromanage my brain.)
What you may notice subjectively
Because the brain becomes less locked into old patterns, people often experience:
-
more space between thoughts and reactions
-
reduced rumination
-
emotional distance from previously overwhelming material
-
increased ability to choose responses instead of being driven by reflex (Though mostly responsible, I'm a highly impulsive person. I've been judged harshly "Why would you do that?". I don't fucking know!)
These changes often emerge gradually, not all at once.
The key point
Ketamine does not insert happiness into the brain.
It restores the brain’s ability to change.
Once flexibility is restored, the nervous system is no longer trapped in fixed survival patterns. New responses become possible.
And importantly, this process happens whether you try to make it happen or not.
No comments:
Post a Comment