I don't know how to ask for what I need

I don't know how to ask for what I need.  Even using all the "I feel..." therapy words, not being mean, simply saying truth, well this is like learning a foreign language to me.  Now I could give many stories of my attempts at asking where the needs weren't met due to the other person's inability, not caring or ambivalence; but I'm at an age where not learning this basic life skill has gone on much too long. 

I've read I have an anxious attachment style and these types rarely get their needs met.  I've also read that what someone says has everything to do with them and not with you.  Here is where I get hung up.  I take everything much too personally.  I internalize what's not actually mine.  This is about believing that just because someone is unable or unwilling to give you what you need it's not a statement about you.  I can say the words to others, even preach them loud and long, but not when it comes to myself.  I was once told that this feeling that I'm so very different from everyone else is actually my ego talking.  I still think that person needs to fuck off.

I had a friend who would repeatedly talk about not eating, weight loss and diets while knowing I have an eating disorder.  I had asked that we speak about other subjects (this was the best I could do at the time).  She didn't stop.  She'd preface her babbling with "I know you have an eating disorder but this is about me...".  It bothered me, triggered me, upset me....but I never stopped her.  I never said, "I need you to never speak to me about this again.  Ever.  Please and thank you." 

Taking small steps.  Told a coworker I needed something through email and not face to face (because I'm visual and not auditory).  She got mad and told people that I won't discuss something and it's an issue.  But I didn't internalize this. 

Though I pride myself on my honesty, I'm seeing there is dishonesty when I don't ask for what I need.  My smile is a lie when I'm crying inside.  A friend is posting a daily self care thing to do and yesterday's was "set an alarm on your phone with a personal inspirational message".  I didn't do it initially as I became overwhelmed with all I felt I needed in inspiration and self care.  But it showed back up on my news feed today and I immediately thought "I am safe to tell the truth" (WOW!  I wasn't looking at the time and the alarm message just went off now!).  As with so many things in my life I'm walking through the fire to get to the other side.