A blog post a day for 30 days - Day 8 - Holding both the good and bad memories

I've been thinking a lot about how we process, handle and hold onto memories with others that are both good ones and bad ones. How do you hold in tension that someone that gave you one of your greatest and most special moments also hurt you to your core with their words and actions? A parent, a sibling, a friend, a lover. How do you still hold space for the good while admitting the bad was unconscionable? 

I heard the phrase "holding in tension" about 10 years ago or so. It speaks to me. People fuck up. People who love us will hurt us. Hurt people will hurt people. Yet my life, my journey, my existence is made up of many experiences. Shouldn't I still celebrate the great ones, even if that same person went on to attempt to destroy me? 

I feel like this is situational and there isn't a right or wrong answer. There are nuances, dynamics and issues that all come into play. So maybe for you if someone went on to harm you, the previous moment no longer held positive value for you? That's valid. But what if you can say something was great but that person also had severe issues and went on to project them onto you in a heinous and hurtful way? Oh shit...getting a little specific, huh?

Yin and yang representing the philosophy that life is incredibly non-dualistic, meaning there is a little bit of something in everything. In the good there is bad and the bad there is good. 

I'm in a current space (which could change in an instant) where I'm trying to be in the moment.  Being in the moment I can speak only to that moment and hold it dear. But this doesn't say that future actions of others don't deserve boundaries, repercussions and even my absence. 

Sounds like I'm pretty bad ass about it, right? I'm not. Hard learning curve happening right now. I have many people I hold in tension for the good they gave me as well as the harm. I thank them for the joy but many times need to excuse myself from their lives due to the suffering they also caused. I say all this as only my experience and not something to model unless it actually speaks to you. I could easily see myself look at this 20 years from now and think "Oh what a naive fool!". Just enough light for the step I'm on.