Raw Bleach: I'm not toning it down

I've been blogging for years on various subjects, and had been considering a new blog where I talk about both mine and friends stories from online dating.  I had visions of self help posts for men (such as how to take a selfie that doesn't involve a mirror and your mouth half open like a large mouth bass about to catch a fly), and I still may do those, but after months of writer's block I came to realize this blog isn't about the dating as much as my own catharsis.  This is about what I thought would happen that never did.  This about who I thought I was and who I'm becoming.  This is about me living out loud, unashamed and laying it down so I don't have to carry the shame anymore.  This is about me.

The name for this blog came months ago while at the hair salon. While processing my hair my stylist put a toner on it and I said, "I've had toner done for years yet I don't exactly know what it does.  Tell me what a toner does for my hair."  She replied, "It tones down that Raw Bleach look."  I laughed, gasped and squealed "That's it!  That's the perfect name for my blog!  Raw Bleach: I'm not toning it down!"  We've since laughed about this frequently, and when speaking about being empowered women add on #rawbleach. 

Yet I've been stuck.  June 30th was 1 year since I left the home of my 22 year marriage.  July 15th was what would have been my 23 year wedding anniversary.  There is a lot of fear of judgment, shaming and what might be done to me if I share my truth.  I'm walking through the fires of immobility as I believe that even if this is painful there is light on the other side.

Though my posts will be public, while sort of anonymous, if I've shared this with you it's because I believe I can trust you can hold space for my words and not hurt me.

Welcome to Raw Bleach.